Why a Vampire Is Better Than Your Boyfriend

   While I am the first to admit all the hullaballoo about vampires is at a ridiculous level, I absolutely refuse to stop my obsession of forcing a vampire to make me his eternal Bride. I would look killer with pale skin and fangs. Some people do not understand why a woman would want to be the lover of these fangy studs. But here are many reasons why a vampire makes a better boyfriend than the average blah mortal man...

Reason #1- A Vampire Will Always Look Good- Vampires are immortal and thus are not subject to mortal laws such as aging, disease, or clumsiness. Their hair will always retain its color, their skin will remain flawless, and they will never have to worry about cellulite. Their sense of balance and awareness will always allow them to be all that is graceful, while your mortal man becomes grey, fat, wrinkly, and incapable of holding an erection for more than two minutes.

Behold! Pale prfection at 400. How is your mortal man holding up at 400 years? That's right, he is a pile of dust in the ground.

Reason # 2- Vampires Have More Money- Because vampires are immortal, they have literally had hundreds of years to accumlate a mass of wealth and riches. While your mortal bf may have a nice looking 401K and a small inheritance, a vampire has amassed hundreds of years worth of precious metals and stones, stocks, money, and probably a famous work of art or two.

A vampire has so much of this he uses it as pillows and scratch paper.

Reason #3- Vampires Have Supernatural Abilities- Whereas your mortal man can not see in the dark and has to get his mortal booty on a plane for 12 hours to get anywhere worthwhile, a vampire has a plethora of amazing powers. Vampires have superhuman strength, sight, hearing, and speed. Some can turn into bats or wolves, and some can teleport at will. The best part is most vampires are telepathic, so they will always know what you are thinking. They will always remember your birthday or what your favorite color is since they have access to your mind.

Reason #4-Vampires Survive Off of Blood- Women love to feel needed, and how much more needed can you feel when you are your vampire lover's sole means of survival? How sexy is it that they have to nibble at your neck to live? Not to mention the money you will save on groceries!

I will gladly be a vampire's personel chew toy.

Reason # 5- You Can Always Bring a Vampire Home to Mom- With hundreds of years to perfect their charm and chivalry, your vampire will have your mom drooling at his perfection. What mother wouldn't love someone who has perfect table manners and hundreds of years of developed intelligence. While your mortal man is dribbling food on his shirt, telling crude jokes, and showing his extensive knowledge of football, a vampire will be charming your mother with his vast knowledge of fine art, interesting historical trivia, and his ability to speak more languages than your whole family put together.

   Shall I continue? I really don't think I need to. Vampires are the perfect males. The reason people swear they don't exist is because if they did, all mortal men would be single.