Things That Grind My Gears...

   You know what really grinds my gears? Emergency vehicles. With their noisy sirens, and their seizure-inducing lights. They think they are so important! Making cars stop to let them through and acting all hurried and smug about it.  Go ahead, blare your sirens at 3 AM! It's not like anyone is trying to sleep! I know how congested the traffic is that early in the morning. Those one or two cars and the hobos scattered around really are quite the daunting obstacles! Oh my gosh! Beware the parked cars and the stray cat! Better put on the sirens just in case they miss the gigantic, noisy, red monstrosity coming towards them! How about you shut the eff up and get on your merry way saving the undeserving drunks who don't deserve your help!
   Maybe you annoying firetrucks and ambulances can do me a favor and plow down the annoying drunk people loitering on the corner underneath my apartment. I know drunk people are incapable of speaking at normal volumes, but do you really have to enlighten the sleeping masses to your epic flirting failures and your mostly retarded intelligence? Maybe instead of getting drunk you should read some books, because if I have to listen to you yell one more drunken pick-up line, I will seriously consider leaning off my balcony in order to pee on your annoying head! Get a life! Those "damn fine ladies" do not want a piece of you no matter how hard you try.Believe it or not, drunken, gussied up high school drop-outs hold little appeal for most women.
   The only thing that is more annoying than sirens and drunks, are runners. With their tight clothing, and their perky ponytails. Whoever thought running would be a fun way to get in shape needs to be partially drawn and quartered and then thrown into a vat of mutated acid piranhas! You don't look cool, you look sweaty and miserable! Plus, the ragged, heaving breathing is disgusting! Like, you are a morbidly obese person who just walked a whole 20 feet to the refrigerator. Stop heaving your sweaty breath in my space bubble! Go learn a fun sport like tennis or swimming! The only people who should be running are people who are trying to catch a bus or actual professional runners. At least the professional runners do it on private tracks where us normal people are not subjected to the sight of their sweaty, wilted forms. Run past me with your fancy mp3 holders and your designer water one more time and I swear I will trip you on purpose! Or maybe I can wait until you have a heart attack, then we could both be put out of our shared misery! You aren't a freaking antelope being chased by a hungry cheetah! That is what really grinds my gears.....Road House.